A Creative Block And A Soul Lesson

Yesterday I had one of those days. One of those days that all artists dread - the creative block. I went into my studio happy and enlightened and by the end of the day I emerged grumpy and hopeless. After 6 hours of attempting to be an artist, all I had to show for my efforts was a 18x24 canvas blobbed with blue and white paint resembling nothing. Well, now, I could look at it this way; if blue and white blobs could be considered a masterpiece then I did accomplish something. I believe in a museum my art piece would have been defined as an abstract. However, as an artist, I don't paint abstracts. I am a reflection of water. The sea is my enlightenment. The trickling stream that winds its way from the mountain top is my enchantment. And the billowing storm clouds blowing across the land dumping rain and striking the earth with lightning are my inspiration. Today I can create those sentences with ease as the words go flowing effortless from my mind through my fingers onto the keyboard. However, my words today are a far cry from my blobs of paint yesterday.
But that was yesterday and today is a whole new day. This morning I stepped into my studio with a bright new attitude. The paint flowed across the canvas like they were old lovers reuniting. I simply held the paintbrush and watched them dance. Before I knew it I had two canvasses prepped and, as I write this, the canvasses are drying waiting for me to finish them. One canvas beckons for Orca Whales while the other canvas, well, that's a secret.

So, if I was having such a bad day yesterday, why did I endure in the studio relentlessly pursuing a masterpiece on canvas that obviously wasn't going to happen? I guess I could have packed up my paintbrushes and paint and just took the rest of the afternoon as a day off and delighted myself in watching movies or reading books. I have to admit, at one point, I had my art supplies packed away and I was about to walk out of my art studio slamming the door the behind me. Instead, I stopped and stood in the middle of my studio and just looked around. Then I shifted my attention to one wall. Hanging on that wall was a recently completed painting and I just stared at it for a while. Two days prior I had painted that canvas with complete ease. It was almost too easy as the image came together like it had been in my imagination for years.  So why was I having trouble now?
The last couple of months I have been focusing on my self, opening my heart, and tackling my inner emotions head on. I have been on the journey of a mystic. Being on the journey of a mystic means following a path to enlightenment. In order to reach enlightenment (you can also follow the path of enlightenment through Buddhism) a person on the journey must first start with themselves and heal themselves from the inside out. A majority of this healing is done by working with the heart center. For anyone who has taken this journey knows that as soon as you begin working with the heart center, you literally open a can of worms.
Now, what does my journey as a mystic and my experience with writers block have in common?
Well, as I was standing in the middle of my studio staring at that painting that I had just completed (the one I just previously mentioned that came from my imagination like it had been there for years) I automatically did something that I had spent the last couple months practicing. As I was staring at the painting I realized that I was collecting my emotions and focusing on my breathing. Moments before, because I was angry and frustrated, my breathing had quickened and, along with my rising blood pressure, I was developing a bad headache.

If you find yourself in a situation where you are obviously losing your inner calm then stop. Breath. Collect yourself and look inward. Why are you feeling the way you are? What specific emotions are you feeling and why? What triggered those current emotions?
In silence is where we find answers. This is why the practice of meditation is so important. When a person is frustrated or angry or fearful, the human consciousness is overwhelmed with those emotions and the ego takes control because that's what the ego likes to do.  But feeling emotions like fear, anger, frustration, or resentment, solves nothing in a peaceful manner. Emotions like these can only lead to one thing and that is destruction.
In silence, a person can go within themselves to the root of the problem and discover within themselves exactly why they are feeling these destructive emotions. From there, every person has the choice if they want to fix the problem or not.

For me, I wanted to fix the problem. As I went into myself I realized that I was feeling fear stemmed from a memory from my childhood. At that point I decided to meditate and go deeper into this memory. After about 45 minutes I was able to neutralize the issue and tackle the emotion head on. After that I unpacked my brushes and paints and went back to work. I still didn't project anything onto that canvas that is a reflection of who I am or what I love but I accomplished something more important. I learned something about myself that I didn't know and I overcame and evaporated a fear that I had been holding since I was a child. Yesterday, it didn't really matter that I ended the day creating a masterpiece on canvas because with an open heart and living with authentic power, I am creating the greatest masterpiece of all, me.

The next time that you are feeling frustrated or angry I invite you to just stop what you are doing and take a few deep breaths. Calm yourself. Look within yourself and tackle that emotion head on. Ask yourself these three questions: Why am I feeling the way I am? What specific emotions am I feeling and why? What triggered these current emotions? In the calm and silence, with controlled breathing, you will find your answer.
My creative block ended in a soul lesson. How will yours end?

Love and light,
Tara